Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
