found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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