she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
