I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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