Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
