M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
