I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His nipple licking is glorious
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