Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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