he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
