Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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