The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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