My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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