Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
