Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
