I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
