im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize