I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
