Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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