Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
