I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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