Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
