What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
