I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
