New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
