im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
