I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize