I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
