Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize