I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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