Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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