I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
