I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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