That's intense
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
