This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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