she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sarcasm needs its own font
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
