Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
