Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
