Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
