I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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