You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
