Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
