Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm both gender and math confused
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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