We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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