The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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