Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
