I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
