Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
