I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
