I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
