You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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