We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
