i think my mom watched the whole time
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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