Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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