miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
