the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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