Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
