What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
