So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize