Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
