She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She bit a glass in half.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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