Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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