no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
