i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
