On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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