i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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