i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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