What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
