pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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