I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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